So I'm having a hard time wrapping this up.  I could use humor to just say it all, but that really doesn't seem to be what it's all about.  I could use eloquent words but that doesn't fit either.  To put it best; I think I have been so very fortunate to have such a wonderful family to have given me life and one to have raised me.

There are so many emotions that go along with this experience it's hard to just place the experience where it should be placed.   I'm still on the proverbial high from all the adventures leading up to, at, and away from this journey. It's been phenomenal in every sense.  One, I could not have imagined doing this without the three folks that went with me. They were incredibly awesome, and I know I don't say it enough but they really are truly friends.  When we were cranky, tired, dirty from the road, snarky, didn't want to get up at 6 am, laughed on the cb after 400 miles of hard riding, took turns on roads with no guard rails, made funny photos, watched people tight rope walk from building to building, ate breakfast in the UFO restaurant, etc. I just can't even figure out how to end that sentence. It seems to be a theme of how I am about the whole trip. Perhaps I can't finish the sentence because it would be acknowledging the trip is over. I learned so much about myself and others and also this great country of ours.

For close to my whole life (since I could understand what being adopted was) I wondered who my birth mother/father were and why or what circumstances were involved to give me up.  I wondered what fiber I had been cut from.  I never wanted to replace my parents in any way as they had given me a fabulous life and knowing I was "chosen" made it seem so much more special.  I just wanted to know circumstances and to get to know my "roots".  I know I am one of the few who have ever gotten to experience this and I am grateful.  I am home now, and I went to my Krav Maga/MMA class tonight and my partner Katie said to me "holy cow Hil. You look so refreshed and relaxed. I love seeing you this way".  She's right. I had to ride 5943.5 miles to settle the questions and to grow new relations with people I felt were important.   I was not settled/relaxed during my ride; my mind was always churning on the what if this turns disasterous; or what if things aren't what I thought they'd be, or what if.... I could create any answer for the what if's that had been going through my head the whole ride leading up to meeting my birth family.

What I can say is this: take chances; challenge yourself to go past the what ifs.  You may be surprised as what you find. Do things out of character. You only go around this ride once (that we know of) so ride it like it's 6 Flags everyday.

Thank you so much to my family for sending me with your blessings to go figure/learn what my heritage is. Truly who knew I was part indian? wow!  Thanks to my husband for allowing me to go with three of my guy friends. That showed a lot of trust, faith, and respect towards the ultimate goal- finding these answers.  Without both; I'd still be wondering.

Some have asked me things similar to "what the F are you doing going with three guys! and how does THAT work?"  It worked great actually.   These three guys can't compare to the regular gene pool.  You could see the total admiration, love, caring, etc (whatever you call it) for their spouses as well.  When we all talked about stories it was all about family stories.  What made each person's family special and unique.  From finding a gift for a spouse, or what  another spouse would say to a conversation we were engaged in, etc.  By the end of the trip; everyone knew everyone in a way that good friends do.   I knew Chuck before quite well, but learned so much more about Brian and Munds on this trip.  And what I knew of Chuck? he surpassed that for his never ending admiration of Caren; and also that he can talk to an inanimate object about the four corners ride.   They are all such wonderful dedicated people. I  took away what I could learn from their experiences in life. They were all wonderful supporters in their own way of this journey and they got to see a lot of great things along the way as well. You can't go wrong with Badlands, Glacier, Custer, Needles, Bear Tooth Highway, Skylan, Niagara, Mt. Rushmore, Devils Tower, water slides at the hotels, and big greasy burgers. Then add on a family that is willing to welcome EVERYONE into their lives whether they are blood, or merely just there to participate in the experience.

A few have asked me what  I did on my birthday. I know I've posted that already in prior blogs.  What happened?  My uncle John made me cry. That takes a lot to tap into my waterworks. And so did my birth mother and grandmother. You could see that they wanted to give me something that  was so important to them; so here it goes.

First and foremost:  Denise my birth mother came up to me and said "I tried to find a card that would summarize exactly everything but Hallmark doesn't make a card Nice to meet you daughter. Happy 40th".  I almost died laughing and peeing at the same time.  Now you all can understand where my crazy humor comes from. It comes from her and I love that.   She gave me some of that green stuff, no not pot (pot is very legal out there if you have a medical card.  Everyone has a medical card), money.   I decided that I was going to take the boys out for a good decent meal with that on the way home. Hence we skipped the deep fried hot dogs and went to The Keg.  One of the best steaks I have ever masticated. Not that I didn't have money (I was loaded with cash from hitting up every gosh dam ATM in the US because it turns out my card doesn't work in Canada), but I wanted to share that gift.

My uncle John, Denise, Steve and my grandmother  presented me with a few items that had belonged to my grandfather; who passed away a few years back. I remember conversing with my birth mother, Denise, when he was declining and could hear how very important he was in her life. I learned through my visit with my family that everyone not only loved and adored my grandfather but worshiped him. Very rarely do you find a  family that can say 100% absolutely without a doubt he was the most wonderful man ever.   When we pulled out pictures of him at the bbq it was a trip down memory lane for them , and a new meeting through moments for me.   So my grandfather was a watch man. They gave to me one of his favorite watches.  I will cherish this gift forever; it's unfortunate that I have never had the chance to meet him.   They also gave Patrick one of my grandfather's hand stamped belt buckles.  So very very cool.  I have still yet to be able to write thank you cards because I"m still at the choking up stage when I think about this.   On top of all this, everyone at my birthday had taken the time to sign a card for me; family or not.  Folks that knew about me that were not family, and even my motorcycle family.  Cheryl from MA had also taken the time to go buy a cake which to me spoke volumes because I don't believe that was the easiest feet to find. It's not like around here where there's a Dunkin Donuts on every corner and  a Shaws or Stop n Shop within a mile each direction.  My birth mother's cake (posted pictures in a previous post) was absolutely amazing!! I mean holy chitcakes amazing.

I thank the Sutherlin's for all their hospitality. Not only was it wonderful to learn my heritage but it put a renewed sense of faith in me that the majority of folks in this world may be good people.  They certainly didn't have to accept me in, but they did.  And they accepted 4 others that were associated with this journey; no questions asked.

My Uncle Steve also gave us all crystal pendants and me a cloak.  Unfortunately I could not find any space for the cloak to ride home with.

One thing that was special and Chuck told me about it after the BBQ.  While we were there on the first night the family took our "posse" up to the ghost town on their mountain.  The history in this area was so rich. I mean  so out of the old world that you could almost hear the history of what it must have been like from walking through these ghosted buildings. The houses, the mining building,  the numerous mine shafts we drove past.  Just amazing.  The way things were back then. The mine up there was to gather silver and lead. And much of this was done with using draft horses back then.  Chuck told me that he and Munds were given a horse shoe from one of the horses from back in the day that helped out in the mining town.  Chuck showed it to me when we had returned to the states.  It looked like a belgian's shoe with huge plates and manually stamped cleats in it.    Very awesome for them to have that type of history to keep.

John says he's going to try to rally the family to come east next summer for a vacation. I hope that happens.

So again,  this journey has to end; for now.

I now have more family in my life and this is a good thing.